Cadet Used Honor Code To Obtain Sexual Favors.
Cadet Robert M. Evenson Jr. is alleged to have forcibly raped a female cadet in the spring of 2010. He's also charged with breaking cadet regulations by having an ongoing relationship with a female freshman. He also is suspected of abusing his power position as a "cadet non-commissioned officer for honor cases" to extract sexual favors from a female fellow cadet. This is serious. He was charged with enforcing the Honor Code. He may have used it to supply gris for his mill. As one of the cadets entrusted with enforcing the Academy's Honor Code, he would have been in a very coveted position. He was expected to punish those who lie, cheat, steal or tolerate others who do. Those who violate the Honor Code face a maximum punishment of expulsion from the Academy. Allegations of corruption in the Honor Code enforcement system will likely send shock-waves through the Cadet Corps and the Academy alumni. The Honor Code is the very touchstone of the Academy's culture.



Who will watch the watchers? This exploitation of a power position was inevitable. It is as impossible to avoid detection indefinitely as it is to plans your own surprise birthday. This is probably not the first time this cadet has done this. It appears that he had momentum; that is, forward motion fueled by a series of wins.



Just what is the Honor Code. each of our military academies has an Honor Code or an Honor Concept. How do they differ? Read all about it in my book CONDUCT UNBECOMING an Officer and Lady. Read it for free in Kindle format at

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The Coast Guard Academy Cadet Handbook (2010) tells the new cadet recruit that when you take the oath of office as a Cadet in the United States Coast Guard you begin your development as a commissioned officer in the Armed Forces of the United States. You will be expected to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States and to selflessly serve the American people.



In the Honor Concept there exists a higher standard of conduct that can neither be delineated by laws nor defined by regulations. It is the concept of Honor. Because Coast Guard cadets are called to a life of public service, and desire to attain that special trust and confidence which is placed in our nation’s commissioned officers, their actions must be straightforward and always above reproach. As future law enforcement officers, each cadet’s word and signature must be regarded as verification of the truth. The Coast Guard Academy’s Honor Concept is exemplified by a person who will neither lie, cheat, steal, nor attempt to deceive. It is epitomized by an individual who places loyalty to duty above loyalty to personal friendship or to selfish desire. While the Coast Guard Academy’s Honor Concept differs from a code, in that failure to report an honor offense is not itself an honor violation, cadets are required to report all activity that does not incriminate themselves. Moreover, the condoning of an honor violation is a Class I offense under the Cadet Regulations. Dis-enrollment is a very possible outcome. The Corps of Cadets are stewards of their Honor Concept.



At the center of their new world is adherence to a Concept or Cadet Honor Code to which they swear: “A cadet will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate those who do.” Their whole new world is shaped around these principles. This initially shapeless reality begins to form into principles of rigid honesty, loyalty to their fellow cadets, and respect for their classmates and all with whom they associate.



What is conduct unbecoming an officer and a lady? Does it violate the Honor Concept? Does conduct that violates the UCMJ constitute a higher standard than the Honor Concept? Times are changing so rapidly, one wonders if cadets and officers of today can be held to the same standards of conduct that were intended by the drafters of the UCMJ and the MCM promulgated in 1951? Not everyone can be expected to meet ideal moral standards, but how far can the standards of behavior of cadets and officers fall below contemporary community standards without seriously compromising their standing as officers and ladies? Have the changes in ethics and values of American society been reflected in the military?



Both the United States Military Academy and the United States Air Force Academy have adopted a Cadet Honor Code as a formalized statement of the minimum standard of ethics expected of cadets. Other military schools have similar codes with their own methods of administration. The United States Naval Academy, like the Coast Guard Academy, has a related standard, known as the Honor Concept.



The Cadet Honor Code at the Air Force Academy, like that at West Point, is the cornerstone of a cadet's professional training and development — the minimum standard of ethical conduct that cadets expect of themselves and their fellow cadets. Air Force's honor code was developed and adopted by the Class of 1959, the first class to graduate from the Academy, and has been handed down to every subsequent class. The code adopted was based largely on West Point's Honor Code, but was modified slightly to its current wording:

We will not lie, steal, or cheat, nor tolerate among us anyone who does.

In 1984, the Cadet Wing voted to add an "Honor Oath," which was to be taken by all cadets. The oath is administered to fourth class cadets (freshmen) when they are formally accepted into the Wing at the conclusion of Basic Cadet Training. The oath remains unchanged since its adoption in 1984, and consists of a statement of the code, followed by a resolution to live honorably:

We will not lie, steal or cheat, nor tolerate among us anyone who does.

Furthermore, I resolve to do my duty and to live honorably, so help me God.

Cadets are considered the "guardians and stewards" of the Code. Cadet honor representatives throughout the Wing oversee the honor system by conducting education classes and investigating possible honor incidents. Cadets throughout the Wing are expected to sit on Honor Boards as juries that determine whether their fellow cadets violated the code. Cadets also recommend sanctions for violations. Although the presumed sanction for a violation is di-senrollment, mitigating factors may result in the violator being placed in a probationary status for some period of time. This "honor probation" is usually only reserved for cadets in their first two years at the Academy. (Cadet Honor Code, from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

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Female recruits seduce drill sergeants in new wave of Army sexual misconduct. Career sergeants are stalked by minor age female recruits on a power trip and hungry for sex.

Twelve years after a sex scandal prompted congressional investigations and changes in Army training, Fort Leonard Wood is again dealing with a wave of cases in which drill sergeants have engaged in sexual misconduct with women trainees.

Since February 2007, at least 14 drill sergeants or other trainers have faced courts-martial for having improper relationships with Soldiers undergoing initial-entry training at the sprawling Army post about 130 miles southwest of St. Louis.

The cases include:

-- A highly decorated six-year veteran who had been named noncommissioned officer of the year for the Chemical Corps. He was accused of having sex with four trainees, including in the unit supply room and laundry room, his truck, a hospital room, a hotel room and his home.

-- A drill sergeant with 16 years of service accused of having sex with five of his Soldiers on and off post, including once in a vehicle while another recruit drove, and three times at a fellow drill sergeant's apartment.

-- A drill sergeant accused of helping three female recruits go AWOL and having sex with one. He also was accused of inappropriately touching or kissing seven other women in his training company.

Often, the behavior of the drill sergeants, many of whom were married, was reckless. Several deactivated barracks alarms to gain access to the trainees, plied them with alcohol and, in at least one case, engaged in group sex.

There is no excuse for any sort of personal relationship between a drill sergeant and a recruit, said Harvey Perritt, spokesman for the Army's Training and Doctrine Command, which oversees training. He called it a detriment to order and discipline within the unit and the Army.

"It's a command relationship that can't be abused," Perritt said. "It can't be."

The drill sergeant is the very first impression a young Soldier has of the Army, said Col. Maria R. Gervais, who recently researched sexual misconduct during initial-entry training while a student at the Army War College.

Drill sergeants hold almost total sway over recruits in training, Gervais said. When a drill sergeant engages in sexual misconduct, even if it's consensual, a bond is broken, she added. The behavior violates trust in the Army and can lead a recruit to believe that such behavior is acceptable.

"The drill sergeant is pretty much the one person who is in front of that Soldier day in and day out, and it's the person that Soldiers place their trust in to safeguard them, train them to standards, teach them what the Army is all about," Gervais said.

Fort Leonard Wood is one of two Army installations that offer gender-integrated basic training. The other is Fort Jackson, S.C.

About 30,000 Soldiers, about a third of whom are women, undergo initial entry training at Fort Leonard Wood each year. The fort currently is home to 503 drill sergeants. Of those, 96 are women.

Capt. Mary Leavitt, chief of military justice for the office of the staff judge advocate at Fort Leonard Wood, said the majority of courts-martial handled by her prosecutors involved sexual misconduct between drill sergeants and trainees. Leavitt's office prosecuted at least 14 such incidents that took place between November 2005 and July 2008.

Most came to light as a result of the trainees' or fellow recruits' approaching a member of the command to report the behavior, not through any targeted investigation. Many times, the women initiated the relationship, often through text messages or Internet social networking sites, Leavitt said.

But the behavior, no matter how it was initiated, doesn't excuse the drill sergeant, she added.

"The drill sergeants are the senior people in the situation and they've been in the Army more than a day," Leavitt said. "They understand the rules and what the consequences are. They're held to a much higher standard because of their position of trust as a trainer and mentor."

Paying the Price

Most of the drill sergeants were sentenced to reductions in rank, loss of pay and bad-conduct discharges. One was not convicted, and two cases are pending. In cases involving consensual sex, the trainees also received punishment, ranging from loss of pay to confinement to reduction in rank to dismissal from the Army.

An Army spokesman said about 90 percent of verified claims of sexual misconduct involving drill sergeants and trainees were consensual. In all cases, the commanding general of Fort Leonard Wood holds final say, and in some instances can order a lighter sentence than the military judge imposed.

Perritt acknowledged an increase in sexual misconduct cases. He also noted similar increases in suicides and drug and alcohol abuse, not just at training bases, but across the Army.

"The Army is under a lot of stress," Perritt said. "People are tired. ... We've been at war for seven years. That takes a toll on the force."

Sex between recruits and drill sergeants has plagued Fort Leonard Wood and the Army for years.

In 1996, two years after gender-integrated training began at the fort, investigators uncovered widespread misconduct. The abuse came to light about the same time a militarywide investigation turned up similar cases at other installations around the country. Eventually, 17 Fort Leonard Wood drill instructors were either convicted, pleaded guilty or received discharges in lieu of courts-martial as a result of the investigations. The Army took similar disciplinary action at training installations across the country.

The findings shook public confidence in the Army, undermined the chain of command and raised concerns about the Army's ability to police itself.

The Army responded by requiring drill sergeant candidates to undergo more comprehensive background checks and receive more training on sexual harassment. The Army also boosted the number of female drill sergeants, added a company executive officer and battalion chaplain to provide more oversight and extended initial entry training one week to give instructors more time to stress Army values training.

"We look for it. We hunt for it. We train against it," Perritt said. "We will prosecute to the fullest extent we can if allegations are investigated and found to be valid. These guys are not just thrown out of the Army. They're going to be punished."

Betraying Trust

Gervais said she was motivated to study the issue after serving as a training battalion commander at Fort Leonard Wood from 2004 to 2006.

During that time, two drill sergeants under Gervais' command -- whom she described as excellent trainers with spotless records -- engaged in sexual misconduct with recruits.

As battalion commander, Gervais said she thought she had put mechanisms and procedures in place to ensure such incidents didn't happen. She made it clear that such behavior would not be tolerated.

"I felt I kind of let America's moms and dads down," Gervais said. "I didn't live up to the trust they placed in me."

Gervais has found that incidents of drill sergeants involved in sexual misconduct continue to plague training installations and, in fact, "have continued to increase at an alarming rate."

Since 2005, sexual misconduct allegations against drill sergeants increased each year. In 2007, 68 percent of all trainee abuse allegations involved drill sergeant sexual misconduct, far ahead of complaints about physical or verbal abuse.

As part of her research, Gervais interviewed more than two dozen current and former initial entry training leaders, from drill sergeants through battalion commanders. Those interviewed blamed a lax selection process for drill sergeants, inadequate staffing, inexperienced junior leaders and the changing values of recruits.

Most believe that the best Soldiers are being assigned to Iraq and Afghanistan, while training bases get the leftovers. They said many drill sergeant candidates received waivers after they failed to meet the minimum standards, and lacked the leadership, maturity and professionalism needed for the job.

Initial-entry training units also routinely exceeded the Army's drill sergeant-to-recruit ratio and lacked enough female drill sergeants to serve as role models and deterrents to sexual harassment.

Meanwhile, a shortage of captains means that many units are being headed by junior captains and even first lieutenants who lack the experience to recognize the warning signs of potential abuse, or are reluctant to correct the behavior of more experienced sergeants, training leaders told Gervais.

Army regulations prohibit drill sergeants from just about any personal activity with a recruit, including dating, writing personal letters or e-mail, making personal telephone calls, playing cards, dancing, gambling, entertaining in a personal residence, sharing a hotel room or riding in a personal car with a recruit.

"There are things that you can be charged with in the military that nobody would blink an eye at outside the wire," Perritt said. "It's a matter of good order and discipline."

The Army is initiating a new program at training installations in which unit leaders sit down with women recruits, away from drill sergeants, to teach them how to prevent and report such incidents.

"People are imperfect, but we do try to maintain a perfect training environment," Perritt said. "We're not going to sit back and say that goal is unattainable."

A Career Ends

For the accused, justice at Fort Leonard Wood is delivered in a nondescript brick building deep inside the perimeter. There, in a small, windowless, wood-paneled courtroom with water-stained ceilings, a military judge determined last week the fate of Staff Sgt. Steven L. Schrank, a eight-year veteran with two combat tours in Iraq.

He pleaded guilty of sexual misconduct with a 17-year-old married recruit, helping the woman go AWOL, adultery, dereliction of duty, violating a no-contact order and lying to investigators.

Schrank, who enlisted right out of high school, hoped to avoid a bad-conduct discharge that would end his military career. His attorney argued for leniency, noting that the woman had initiated the relationship with Schrank and later lied to him that she was pregnant. She also told Schrank that she was in an abusive relationship and wanted a divorce. He gave her a $2,000 engagement ring.

The recruit said the relationship gave her a powerful feeling, put her above her peers, but that she had no intention of marrying Schrank.

"You're not even attracted to Staff Sergeant Schrank, are you?" the lawyer asked.

"No, sir."

The lawyer accused her of manipulating Schrank.

"You're proud of it, aren't you?"

"A little, sir."

Later, the recruit testified that she had sought out Schrank because he got a perfect score on his physical fitness test, had a nice truck and was a staff sergeant.

A half-dozen men who served with Schrank described him as one of the best Soldiers they knew. Several testified that he was a superior sergeant who led from the front, always completed his mission and fought bravely in combat. All said they would willingly serve with him again.

"I can only hope that he would go with me," Sgt. 1st Class Brandon Babyak testified. "If I'm going back to Iraq, I want him back, even as a private."

In arguing for the maximum punishment, military prosecutors noted that Schrank would be facing statutory rape charges in some states. They also pointed out that the trainee's husband was a deployed service member at the time of the affair and that Schrank had been disciplined previously for an inappropriate relationship with another noncommissioned officer in Iraq. They said he had abused his power, cast a negative light on the Army and set a poor example for recruits.

Toward the end of the day, Schrank, wearing his Army dress uniform, rose to address the court. When the boy-faced Soldier stood between his two attorneys, he barely reached their shoulders.

He held his composure as he apologized to the Army, his unit, the trainee and the military judge. He choked up when he tried to apologize to his mother, who sat alone nearby in the front row in tears.

"I'd like to Soldier on ... and finish my career in the Army and doing what I do best," Schrank told the judge, who apparently wasn't moved.

He ordered that Schrank be reduced in rank to private, forfeit two-thirds of his pay for eight months, be confined for eight months and receive a bad-conduct discharge. Barring a reprieve from the fort's commanding general, Schrank's Army career is over.

More sexually aggressive behavior among students reported in elementary schools.

A Los Angeles conference brought educators and police together to discuss how to address the problem and that of teachers who molest students.

A 5-year-old boy was reportedly sexually assaulted by a 6-year-old male classmate at a Los Angeles-area school recently. On another campus, a 6-year-old girl was allegedly sexually abused by a 10-year-old classmate after he grabbed her hair and pulled her into a school bathroom.

At a conference Wednesday on the Westside, these and other cases were described as part of a troubling trend of sexually aggressive behavior among students. Sponsored by the Rape Treatment Center at Santa Monica-UCLA Medical Center and the Los Angeles Unified School District, the event drew 200 educators, law enforcement officers and other officials, who discussed ways to better recognize abuse and harassment and establish more effective responses.

Gail Abarbanel, founder and director of the Rape Treatment Center, said that in the last year her group has seen an increase in cases of students sexually assaulting students and in sexual misconduct by teachers in which students are the victims on L.A. Unified campuses and in other school districts.

"We all need to be vigilant, and we need to collaborate to protect the students involved in these incidents: the victims and the victimizers, the other students in the school, and the school or school district," she said.

In another recent incident, a 15-year-old severely developmentally disabled girl suffering from a seizure disorder was led into a bathroom by a boy who allegedly molested her and attempted to rape her. Months later, another boy reportedly sexually assaulted her in a bathroom even though she was supposed to have one-on-one supervision at the school.


L.A. Unified Supt. David L. Brewer, who oversees the nation's second-largest school district, acknowledged that more coordination is needed and that a culture in which an educator may be reluctant to voice suspicions about a colleague must change.

"In some cases, people have been hesitant to report abuses, and we can't have that," Brewer said. "We have to ensure that we have the tools and knowledge to change enough of our culture so that we prevent these things from happening."

Brewer underscored the depth of the problem by relating an incident that came to his attention last week: A girl left school to attend a "ditch" party, was allegedly raped and was then wheeled back to school in a grocery cart.

On Tuesday, a Los Angeles County Superior Court jury awarded nearly $1.6 million to three students who were molested by a former school aide at L.A. Unified's Miramonte Early Learning Center in South Los Angeles. The abuse took place when the victims were 5 to 7 years old.

And an L.A. Unified administrator, Steve Thomas Rooney, faces four molestation-related charges stemming from cases involving former students.

District officials and others vowed to work more closely to stem abuses. The Los Angeles Police Department is organizing all cases involving student-on-student abuse into its specialized juvenile division and expects to handle 50 to 60 such cases each year, said Charlie Beck, chief of detectives. His agency will begin having regular meetings with educators to discuss cases.

In the wake of several high-profile cases, the Los Angeles Board of Education recently ordered better training of staff, better coordination and accountability reforms involving sexual harassment and misconduct.

Many students say they feel helpless in the face of abuse, whether committed by other students or staff, said Harriet Kerr, director of prevention education for the Rape Treatment Center.

Studies show that four out of five students report being victims of sexual harassment from their peers. On many campuses, students say they face a gantlet of coarse and sexually suggestive language, Kerr said.

If there is no adult intervention, such behavior and words begin to feel normal, she said.

"There is a sense that students feel stuck in these situations with no adult to help them," she said.
By Carla Rivera
October 23, 2008

To Hell and Back is the Angela Peacock story. If you are an all-American girl who wants to join the army and see the world, then read one woman's account of how she came to be all that she could be.

I was an 18-year old, fresh out of high school, with an M16 and camouflage paint smeared on my face, excited, a little naïve at just what I had gotten myself into.

No one told me that eleven years later, I'd be tired, very broken, isolated, and damaged goods. Yes, I was assaulted and harassed while serving my country. No one warned me that joining the Army made me twice as likely to be sexually assaulted than my civilian counterparts. That's not what I was signing up for.

I come from a family where military service makes you a man (or a woman, in my case). Both grandparents served in the Army Air Corps in World War II and my father dreamed of being in the Navy. Plans changed for him when I was born and he broke his leg in a motorcycle accident. I wanted to travel to crazy places few people have ever heard of or even knew existed. I wanted to meet those people I would see in National Geographic commercials or the World Almanac my grandfather would show me when I was little. Most of all, I wanted to get out of St. Louis and experience life on this irresistible planet.

I wanted to declare my independence to everyone I knew, so I shaved my head and signed the dotted line. A little rebellious I guess, but I liked the excitement of it all!

I had been a born leader, tough as a brick shithouse, and could knock boys over when I played soccer with them in the neighborhood. I played all the sports, ran faster than most guys and could outwit anyone with their intellectual theories. Especially the Catholic Republican in my Advanced English class senior year who would debate with me on issues such as abortion, the death penalty, and who would be President of the United States first, him or I.

In 1997, my senior year, GI Jane came out. I watched it the night before I left for the Army and dreamed of being just like Demi Moore, just as tough as the guys. I was ready, willing, and able to do anything a "man" could do.

Eleven years later, I wound up 2100 miles from home, staying in a homeless veterans shelter, attending a three month Renew Program for women veterans who have experienced Military Sexual Trauma with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. There were only five women in my group who were willing to face all the pain of their past to come out feeling better on the other side. Who says women aren't strong?

There, I met Amanda Spain, producer of "In Their Boots," an online documentary series
showing the struggles of Iraq and Afghanistan vets when we come home. They are apolitical, and funded by a grant from the Iraq Afghanistan Deployment Impact fund (IADIF) and produced by Brave New Foundation under Robert Greenwald.

She asked me if I'd be willing to share my story with those that were willing to listen. Apprehensive, and shocked that someone finally cared enough to listen, I hesitatingly agreed.

It was the first time, ever, to share my story, from beginning to end.

One night in South Korea, I went out with some friends to the "Ville" which is all the little hole-in-the-wall bars and restaurants right outside the gates of Camp Carroll, Waegwan, South Korea. It was a dark, spring night and I had to work the next morning at 0730 hours to complete my yearly Common Tasks Training with the unit. I went out for an hour or so, only had one small drink, as being drunk was not my cup of tea at the time. I went to leave an hour later and someone had stolen my keys. Nervous, I walked through the gate with a male, non-commissioned officer I had seen around but didn't know very well. We are taught to respect and trust the NCO's and I had no reason not to. You are not allowed in South Korea to walk through the streets alone as it is with Armed Forces Policy in most places overseas. My roommate was not in our room so I decided to stay in the NCO's room down the hall to wait for her to come home. I checked several times throughout the night but no answer from my roommate.

The male asks me four times to have sex with him and I say no all four times. First, I tell him I don't know him, then I tell him I have a boyfriend in Germany, then I tell him again I don't know him. The final time, I tell him I am on my period and NO! Next thing I remember is my naked body being violently thrown all over the bed and I am unable to scream or stop it. I don't know, to this day, if I was drugged or hit over the head.

I remember hearing his roommate, just on the other side of the room and I am trying to scream, but nothing comes out. It is as if I am out of my body watching from across the room and can do absolutely nothing to get back in my body and fight him off.

I wake up the next morning twenty minutes late for my 0730 formation. Shaken, not quite sure what happened that night I am standing naked in the bathroom and cannot unwedge the tampon that is shoved all the way up.

My Platoon Leader asks me what's wrong and did I drink too much the night before, he smells my breath and concedes that that's not it, but what is it? I don't even know.

Three days later, I get flashes and cold chills as I am standing in the office and see him. My body knew what happened before I did. Somehow, I am told, the body remembers. My hands are shaking and sweaty and now it's all clear. It's too late for a rape kit, I had to tell someone.

I talk to my Platoon Sergeant, the man I respected the most. He told me that in the military when there is a rape trial they will blame it on me and make it look like I was asking for it. They would say I drank too much, I was a party girl. They would make up lies and I would be on trial, not the NCO. As I am a naïve 21-year old who trusts her leaders, I go along with his plan to just "live with it." My Platoon Sergeant told me the only thing that would happen to him would be that his rank would be knocked down one level, he would be transferred back to the States and I would have to live the rest of my life with it. So I stuff it way down inside and begin my new way of coping with it, binge drinking on the weekends.

Six months later, I reenlisted to stay in four more years and signed up for Europe. September 11th happens and I know Europe will be the first to deploy when war breaks out. We all knew it was coming. I will leave a part of myself in Korea.

A year and a half later, May 6, 2003, I am driving in a convoy from Kuwait to Baghdad. My family is watching it all back home on CNN and they have no idea.

I already had pain in me from the assault and now I am being exposed to the horrors of war. No front lines for women, my ass. Baghdad is the front line. No, I didn't have to kill anyone, but the fear of thinking today could be my last, either from running over an IED, small arms fire from a sniper, a grenade being thrown from the overpasses or the fact that my Tactical Signal Unit has no armored plates in our flak jackets like the contractors get.

I hear stories of soldiers killing themselves in port-a-potties, crazy Iraqis blowing themselves up and what happened the day before in the "Underpass of Death" outside a market we frequent on our way to the Green Zone for supply pickup three times a week.

I am having panic attacks daily, nightmares, flashbacks, all things I don't find out the names for until I get back to Germany. I kept a journal of me losing my mind. Fevers, diarrhea, vomiting, bloody noses, losing 48 pounds in two months.

Supply lines are not steady yet and we get 1 liter of water a day and the temperature is 130 degrees in the shade. I am falling apart.

My Command will not send me back to get medical treatment as I am "mission essential." Finally, I get orders to Fort Lewis, Washington as there is some loophole somewhere that says you can not be overseas more than 3 years straight. I get medevac'd two weeks early for medical treatment.

When I arrive back at Landstuhl Hospital in Germany, they run every test possible to see why I lost all that weight, as I am now a withering 103 pounds. No one asks me if it could be emotional or combat induced.

After seeing a fellow soldier from my unit, who now had staples from his chest to his genitals, I lose it and walk myself to psychiatry. I still tried to hold it all in, only telling the Major that every time I hear a door slam I think it is a gunshot. Be strong, I tell myself, I am tough I can handle this.

I get to Fort Lewis a month later to find out my new unit is being deployed in two months, I am going back to Baghdad.

Two weeks into redeployment, I get double ear infections, a fever, and chills. I am ordered by the Medical Staff to report to Mental Health section as when they see my pulse rate is 140 beats per minute and my blood pressure is through the roof, I am having a panic attack, and can't hide it anymore. Their stupid machines caught me covering it up.

I walk to Mental Health and explode. Holding nothing back the Triage Doctor tells me I am not allowed to be around weapons as I am now a danger to myself. I am non-deployable and will be medically boarded out of the Army.

I am angry, confused, the Army is my life. I am a Sergeant, my soldiers need me and I need them. I just wanted help, I didn't want to be discharged. I had served 7 years and wanted to retire from the Army.

The day I was medically retired, I laid on the couch all day knowing my life was over. I was 25 years old. I went from war hero to piece of shit in one day. I was depressed, couldn't sleep, and my husband, also an Iraq vet, didn't know how to help me or what was even wrong. Little did we know, we both had PTSD, for different reasons, but nonetheless, we waged our own war against each other in the same house.

The next two years are fogged from my use of prescription drugs to numb myself. I didn't want to feel anything. I wish I had died in Iraq. At least the deceased aren't suffering. I am trapped in my mind reliving over and over the rape and the war. I am not sure if I am even alive.

My husband finally gives up on me a year later and tells me to move back home, that I need my family to help me because he can't get through to me. I am addicted to numbing my pain with anything that will stop it, even for a minute a day.

The year of 2006, I attempt suicide more times than I can count. I argue with God to just take me. I trap myself in my house and push my family away. I am ready to die. After four months of feeling myself die on the inside, I finally check in for the fourth and final time to get clean and sober and tell them everything. If this doesn't work, I decide, I am jumping off the tallest building in St. Louis.

I have now been in recovery for drug addiction and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for two years. I have not attempted suicide once in that period of time. I am more proud of that than my military service. I have given up on organized religion to help me answer the questions my mind has posed, like, "Why me?" The pure part in the deepest part of my soul, which knows none of this was ever my fault, and didn't deserve any of it, has kept me alive. I can say that there must be a God that has saved me from a hell which I created in my own mind, and given me a second chance at living one day at a time. It has been a very slow crawl back, and I am just getting started. I still cannot trust, I still cannot sleep, I still have awful memories, nightmares and imaginings of things so horrible I cannot say them here.

But I do have hope and a dog that has helped me cope. I have courage that things will get a little easier every day and that someday, the wounds of rape and war will be healed inside me.

There are thousands just like me, women and men, veterans who signed up to serve their country and were raped, tortured, harassed, and raped again by their command.

When I enlisted in the Army I took an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. My oath did not end upon discharge. I want to help other men and women veterans get the support that they need and know there is hope that we can get better. We must not give up. We must band together and make sure this doesn't happen to our sons and daughters.

Soldiers Face Neglect and Frustration.

Behind the door of Army Spec. Jeremy Duncan's room, part of the wall is torn and hangs in the air, weighted down with black mold. When the wounded combat engineer stands in his shower and looks up, he can see the bathtub on the floor above through a rotted hole. The entire building, constructed between the world wars, often smells like greasy carry-out. Signs of neglect are everywhere: mouse droppings, belly-up cockroaches, stained carpets, cheap mattresses.
This is the world of Building 18, not the kind of place where Duncan expected to recover when he was evacuated to Walter Reed Army Medical Center from Iraq last February with a broken neck and a shredded left ear, nearly dead from blood loss. But the old lodge, just outside the gates of the hospital and five miles up the road from the White House, has housed hundreds of maimed soldiers recuperating from injuries suffered in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The common perception of Walter Reed is of a surgical hospital that shines as the crown jewel of military medicine. But 5 1/2 years of sustained combat have transformed the venerable 113-acre institution into something else entirely -- a holding ground for physically and psychologically damaged outpatients. Almost 700 of them -- the majority soldiers, with some Marines -- have been released from hospital beds but still need treatment or are awaiting bureaucratic decisions before being discharged or returned to active duty.

They suffer from brain injuries, severed arms and legs, organ and back damage, and various degrees of post-traumatic stress. Their legions have grown so exponentially -- they outnumber hospital patients at Walter Reed 17 to 1 -- that they take up every available bed on post and spill into dozens of nearby hotels and apartments leased by the Army. The average stay is 10 months, but some have been stuck there for as long as two years.

Not all of the quarters are as bleak as Duncan's, but the despair of Building 18 symbolizes a larger problem in Walter Reed's treatment of the wounded, according to dozens of soldiers, family members, veterans aid groups, and current and former Walter Reed staff members interviewed by two Washington Post reporters, who spent more than four months visiting the outpatient world without the knowledge or permission of Walter Reed officials. Many agreed to be quoted by name; others said they feared Army retribution if they complained publicly.

While the hospital is a place of scrubbed-down order and daily miracles, with medical advances saving more soldiers than ever, the outpatients in the Other Walter Reed encounter a messy bureaucratic battlefield nearly as chaotic as the real battlefields they faced overseas.

On the worst days, soldiers say they feel like they are living a chapter of "Catch-22." The wounded manage other wounded. Soldiers dealing with psychological disorders of their own have been put in charge of others at risk of suicide.

This world is invisible to outsiders. Walter Reed occasionally showcases the heroism of these wounded soldiers and emphasizes that all is well under the circumstances. President Bush, former defense secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and members of Congress have promised the best care during their regular visits to the hospital's spit-polished amputee unit, Ward 57.

Along with the government promises, the American public, determined not to repeat the divisive Vietnam experience, has embraced the soldiers even as the war grows more controversial at home. Walter Reed is awash in the generosity of volunteers, businesses and celebrities who donate money, plane tickets, telephone cards and steak dinners.
The Pentagon has announced plans to close Walter Reed by 2011, but that hasn't stopped the flow of casualties. Three times a week, school buses painted white and fitted with stretchers and blackened windows stream down Georgia Avenue. Sirens blaring, they deliver soldiers groggy from a pain-relief cocktail at the end of their long trip from Iraq via Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany and Andrews Air Force Base.

One amputee, a senior enlisted man who asked not to be identified because he is back on active duty, said he received orders to report to a base in Germany as he sat drooling in his wheelchair in a haze of medication at Walter Reed. "I went to Medhold many times in my wheelchair to fix it, but no one there could help me," he said.

Finally, his wife met an aide to then-Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz, who got the erroneous paperwork corrected with one phone call. When the aide called with the news, he told the soldier, "They don't even know you exist."

"They didn't know who I was or where I was," the soldier said. "And I was in contact with my platoon sergeant every day."



Army Surgeon General Kevin C. Kiley abruptly stepped down under pressure from military superiors, the third top Army official forced out in the fallout from revelations of shabby treatment of wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.
The Army said Monday, March 12, that Lt. Gen. Kiley had submitted a request to retire over the weekend. Acting Army Secretary Pete Geren had asked Kiley for his retirement, said a senior defense official, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to talk about the events.
Kiley's removal underscored how the controversy, which began with reports of dilapidated outpatient housing and a nightmarish bureaucracy at the Army's flagship hospital, has snowballed into a far broader problem for the Bush administration.
Kiley, 56, who headed Walter Reed from 2002 to 2004, has been a lightning rod for criticism over conditions there and has been a frequent target of hostile questions at congressional hearings.
Geren has had his position for less than two weeks, having replaced Army Secretary Francis Harvey, who was dismissed March 2. Maj. Gen. George W. Weightman, who had been in charge of Walter Reed since August 2006, was ousted from his post the day before.
In a statement released by the Army, Kiley said, "I submitted my retirement because I think it is in the best interest of the Army." He said he wanted to allow officials to "focus completely on the way ahead."
"We have failed to meet our own standards at Walter Reed. For that, I'm both personally and professionally sorry," he said last week.
Maj. Gen. Gale Pollock, current deputy surgeon general, assumed Kiley's job while a permanent replacement is sought. Kiley remains on active duty during the retirement process, which could take up to two months.
Amid the focus on Walter Reed, VA Secretary Nicholson on Monday ordered his department's clinics to provide details about their physical condition by next week to determine if squalid conditions found at Walter Reed exist elsewhere.
"We've made a good start, but much remains to be done," Geren told staff members Monday. "I share in your conviction that we will do whatever it takes to do it right."